why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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