So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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