I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
