The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
