my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
