booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
MIDGETS
????
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
