hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
