Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
