i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
