Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
