I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
