I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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