My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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