my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
