so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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