i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
