Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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