Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize