Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

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(951): View more from California

Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.

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(316): View more from Kansas

This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.

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(765): View more from Indiana

That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis

(1-765): View more from Indiana

Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced

(1-765): View more from Indiana

and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!

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