1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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