one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
