i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
