AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
