Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
