Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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