Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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