On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
