Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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