Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
