You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
