I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I look better un-naked...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
