Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
