i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need water and some morals
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
