areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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