Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
