i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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