So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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