We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
