dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
