Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
