I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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