Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
