you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
