Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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