Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
