I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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