no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
