i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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