D3 body, D1 cock
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
FUCK WHALES
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