You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize