Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
