Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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