Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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