I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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