never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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