Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
