there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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