I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
