Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
