OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
