I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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