Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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