my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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