I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
