Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
