Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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