Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
