i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
