I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I love you.
Bad choice
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
