that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
