I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
