we're chasing vodka with high fives
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
