Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
