Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I forget how to act sober
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
