good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
