i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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